Mr Five is a 58-year-old man who “wouldn’t have got to where he is today, without the support of AMIS”.
For ten years of their 20-year relationship, he was emotionally abused by his female partner. Any affection towards the children was ridiculed. He had no access to money, was given £10 per week and without a bank card, had no financial control, including the benefit money he should have been in receipt of.
His partner’s mother warned him that his partner, “if given an inch, would take a mile”. Also, his partner’s friends said to Mr Five to get out as she didn’t allow him to see friends or family. But he felt it just became the norm of having no money, no friends and the isolation grew as he “fell out of society”. He began crossing the road if he came across friends and family as he feared meeting them.
The controlling behaviour resulted in Mr Five edging close to breaking point and he experienced suicidal feelings. He also felt the pressure from those telling him to get out and as he felt like he wasn’t following their advice, so his isolation grew.
Still unsure where he got the strength to make a move, Mr Five worked with local groups and approach the Council to try to get a move out of the house he shared with his partner. The Council Housing Officer, in particular, was very supportive and understanding and arranged for him to be rehoused alone.
When the flat became available to view with the Housing Officer, Mr Five took with him his passport, driving licence and birth certificate in a little black folder. That was 15 months ago now and he effectively moved in with nothing more than the clothes on his back and slept on the floor in a sleeping bag with two cushions. Although he had nothing else, it was such a relief to be free from the abusive relationship.
He has received lots of support from local food banks and after fighting for welfare support, he eventually after raising the issue with the Ombudsman, was granted a fridge, cooker and washing machine and they went on to provide carpets, curtains and a bed.
He feels he has had to rebuild his life from scratch and learn to live. He has benefited from the local church, men’s groups and although he feels much better, he still suffers from anxiety and ill mental health.
Throughout his physical move, Mr Five undertook a programme of support with AMIS over the last 15 months and he has two final sessions to go, although he is now devastated that the service is winding down to close, with the lack of funding making it impossible for the service to continue.
Mr Five has since spoken to many men in abusive relationships and each of them has little knowledge of the support services available to them. He has directed many men to speak to AMIS and believes that the support Craig provided at AMIS is a lifeline between life and death for many men.
He now regularly attends support groups and is slowly growing in strength and confidence to enjoy the next chapter in his life.
It is often the case that friends and family members notice the abusive behaviour long before the abused man does. It is so easy for a victim to become isolated by the abusive partner. It’s important that friends and relatives stay in touch and make sure the abused man knows they are there for him, even if to begin with he doesn’t accept what they say. This client illustrates the benefit of having a long-term face-to-face service available.
